Tommy Zarzecki (aka: Tommy Zman)
Over the last decade, smoking bans have become all the rage.
The anti smoking bullies have gone berserk with their rules and regulations, laws and fines, and will not stop until the world is 100 percent smoke free. Countless numbers of cigar bars have gone bankrupt, places where the owners put their life savings into a business, only to have their hearts ripped out with no exceptions to the rule. My thought has always been, how can you tell a business owner what he can and can’t do in his place of business? It’s always been pretty damned simple to me: If you don’t like smoke, don’t visit or work at a cigar friendly restaurant or bar. Wow, regular everyday common sense, will you look at that. But, after all is said and done, at least we can still smoke outside, I mean they can’t that away from us, right? I said right?


Towns and cities across the U.S. are not only outlawing smoking in parks, beaches, and public places, some are seriously trying to banish smoking completely – even on your own private property. Of all the outlandish, preposterous, and ludicrous things I’ve ever heard of in my life, this just may be the one that has me fighting, swinging, kicking, and screaming until they drag me away gagged and bound.

What the zealots of anti-smokedom fail to realize, consider, or give a flying bucket of pig shit about is that smoking is NOT an illegal act, yet if they had their way, every last one of us lovers of the leaf would be hanging from the highest yard arm – and while I admittedly don’t have a clue what the hell a yard arm is, you can bet your solid white ash we’d be hanging from one. The biggest factor these mindless haters point to is the second hand smoke drama, tossing around facts and figures like parroting drones who continue to spout the same errant data, fudged facts, and blatant lies. In my humble and most rant-filled, sociopathic Polack opinion, I have always considered public parks and golf courses to be places with the most wide-open space humanly imaginable – hundreds of billions of cubic square feet of open air for smoke to rise up and quickly dissipate into the stratosphere. Yet you, oh loathers of the leaf continue to deal from the bottom of the deck with your tales of death and disease, as the world should be rid of us smokers – the stinking pariah of mankind.

Enter, New York’s Mayor Michael Bloomberg. In May of 2011, this self righteous blowhard signed a bill into law making it illegal for anyone to smoke in any of New York City’s 1,700 parks or on the city’s 14 miles of public beaches. Smoking is also now prohibited anywhere within the vicinity Times Square. If you are caught by police and you are smoking in any of these areas, a $50 fine will be issued. New York is considered the largest terror target in the world, and the boys in blue have to deal with muggings, robberies, murders, rapes, and a myriad of malevolence on a daily basis, and now catching pedestrians puffing on their Partagas is added to their tiresome agenda. Atta boy, Mayor Mike, the good citizens of the Big Apple are now safe and protected.



"We need to ensure that our public spaces provide a healthy place in which to relax and enjoy the surroundings," Bloomberg said upon signing the bill into effect.

Okay people, we are talking about Manhattan’s own Times Square, considered to be one of the busiest and most crowded intersections in the world. I did a little research and found out that an estimated 300,000 vehicles drive through (crawl is more like it) this area every single day. 1.6 million people pass through there every day and 274,000 people work directly in Times Square each day. Now let’s get back to that number of 300,000 vehicles – cars, trucks, busses, cabs, you name it, emitting billions upon billons of chemical toxins, carcinogens, carbon monoxide, and pollutants into the breathing space of this area, yet you, Mayor Mikey have New York’s finest on high alert, cracking down on little old me and my Montecristo. The amount of pollution that is pumped into the air in Times Square each day is beyond staggering, yet you signed this no smoking law to protect the city’s inhabitants while providing a healthy place in which to relax and enjoy the surroundings? You fucking hypocrite. Come to think of it, do even have a friggin clue what’s inside those hotdogs and mystery meat on a stick those guys who speak broken English sell in their umbrella-covered carts on every corner in mid-town? I bet if you did a study on what’s inside that stuff, you’d probably deem cigar smoking to be a healthy alternative.

Then there’s Cynthia Hallett, executive director of Americans for Nonsmokers’ Rights who chimed in and said, "These smoke-free laws start at a local level. They are based on community demand, science looking at exposure to secondhand smoke and the environmental impact."

Science? Environmental impact? What do you think Bill Nye the Science Guy might have to say about those 300,000 vehicles milling around that confined area? Second hand smoke, you say? We are talking about smoking outside fer crissakes – where the smoke from my Honduran wrapped maduro will go straight upwards into the open sky, never to be seen or smelled again. Community demand? Well, lady, I am part of the community and I say it’s about time you fascist bullies stop taking away people’s liberties and freedoms, and stop lying to the public with your bullshit bogus numbers. Use your friggin head… I’M OUTSIDE!!!

While the hypocrisy rages on at a breakneck speed, we who relish our robustos are in a continual fight for our stogie loving lives. The zealots and the bullies are not going to back down and it is up to us NOT to back down to their hateful rhetoric. So am I telling you to go out and break the law? Don’t be ridiculous, of course not, I would NEVER tell anyone to steal, mug, rob or do anything of an evil nature. But I sure as hell will tell you to smoke ’em if ya gottem.

Stay Smoky My Friends,
Tommy Zman,
The Social Cromag, Always at Your Service

Tommy Zman. is truly an obsessive enjoyer of life. Growing up in the bowels of northern New Jersey, parented by an eccentric Polish father and a neurotic Italian mother, what else could this man possibly be other than a humorist? Zman’s a "real" guy – someone who considers himself a throwback to a time when men were kings of the castle, and smoking a cigar in public didn’t label you an outcast and a pariah. He’s totally old-school, a down to earth guy with traditional values. Visit Zman’s Blog: Rants From a Social Cromag, and see his work @ Wanna reach the Zman? —> Find Tommy Zman on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.

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